Cold War

I am a product of the 80s.  There - I said it.  Nothing to be ashamed of.  The 80s brought us many great things - the VCR (whatever happened to Beta Max?), stone-washed jeans, St. Elmo's Fire, and Bon Jovi - to name a few.  Historically, it also brought an end to the Cold War between the United States and The Soviet Union.  However, with the end of the Cold War came the end of some great movie plots.  What would Rocky IV, Top Gun, Iron Eagle or Red Dawn be without the formidable enemy of Russia?

I can't help but think about how many marriages resemble the Cold War.  I'm definitely no history expert, but as I remember it, we felt threatened by the Soviets so we built up our arsenal of nuclear weapons.  The Soviets couldn't help but feel threatened by this move so naturally they built up theirs.  We were obliged to return this volley by increasing ours.  And the race was on.  I remember being taught that the Russians were evil, hateful people whose sole purpose was to wipe us out.  It wasn't until the Soviet Union collapsed that we allowed ourselves to see the fear that gripped those nations - much of which we contributed to.

As I said, I see many marriages engage in their own Cold War.  One spouse gets hurt (which will inevitably happen) and out of their own fear or defense, they hurt the other.  And the race is on.  Somewhere along the way, we fail to see that or spouse's reaction to hurt or fear is just that - a reaction and not an evil, calculated attack.

Next time you have a button pushed by your spouse, don't be so quick to go to your normal range of defensive measures.  Stop and observe what your spouse is experiencing and even take a moment to consider your contribution.  Replace judgment and evil motives with empathy and understanding.  Then put on your favorite Depeche Mode song and relax.