Keeping Score

This weekend, my beloved Oklahoma State Cowboys lost to the Nebraska Cornhuskers.  It was a great game if you're into high scoring, back and forth, no defense kind of game.  The final score was 41 to 51.  It started off as one of those games where you begin to believe that whoever has the ball last will win.  But OSU failed to hold serve a couple of times and ended up losing.

When I watch one of those back and forth type of games (which seems to be pretty common for the Cowboys these days), I think about one of the worst marriage-killers around - KEEPING SCORE.

It starts off pretty innocent - I put the kids in bed the last couple of nights, so I should be off for the next two nights.  Or - you went out last night, so I get a night out now.  Or maybe this one - the last 3 movies we've seen have been chick flicks, so the next one should be an action movie.

Seems pretty innocent, but when you carry this thinking out, it gets us in trouble every time.  How many times have you thought, "it's my turn now!"?

The reason this "tit for tat" approach to marriage never works out is because we have very biased memories.  I can quickly name every chore, every bedtime routine, every sacrifice I've made over the past week - even month.  But I have a much harder time recalling all of the sacrifices my wife has made.  My ledger never balances out the way I want it to.

The Bible paints a much different picture for marriage.  Consider some of the following passages:

• "Submit to each other out of reverence for Christ."  (Ephesians 5:21)
• "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."  (Philippians 2:3)
• "You, my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love."  (Galatians 5:13)

Keeping score leads to jealousy, bitterness and selfishness.  Service leads to love, fulfillment and joy.  Try serving your spouse this week and make it your goal to forget the score (which isn't as accurate as you may think it is anyway).